Limits

Physical, mental, energetic - we’ve got ‘em. They may span more broad, or in some respects, more narrow than another. Regardless, limits act as a receptacle for the aspects of life. They frame the quality of what we do.

Just yesterday, I was tutoring a young man (he is 9 years old) and at the start of the session, got him to complete a punctuation and grammar quiz. After the exasperated sigh of ultimate 'noooo’, he picked up his pen and wrote as I dictated. His mark at the end had him feeling disappointed; only 3 out of 10.

“Now” I said, “We’re going to do the test again at the end [his eyes dramatically widened with concern] …and I promise you, your mark will improve.”

Nearing the end of our session and our second-chance quiz, I prepared him by telling him that I’d give him 3 minutes to look over his work before I check it. The first time, I had given him 1 minute (plenty of time, given the task) which he immediately insisted he “didn’t need”. I had been working with this student for over a month, and knew that he did need it.

This time I told him that I would tell him when the 3 minutes was up, and to use this time however he found helpful, but to STAY WITH THE TASK. This time, he was silent through the 3 minutes. After taking up the answers, he had gotten a perfect score. I was curious, (and slightly surprised) that my method had worked.

“So what did you do different?” I asked him.

“I just imaged saying the sentences in my head, and then I could tell what was right or wrong.”

I don’t agree with the sentiments ‘you are limitless’ and ‘push your limits!’ Why not? Because I sure as hell can tell when I’ve crossed them, and it’s not pretty. I think limits are a good thing. Without them, we would float around in a soup of other each others limitless-ness, never knowing what was our own or the infinity of someone else. My limitless mind is dazzling, but frankly, I don’t trust others’ notion of limitless thinking and acting.

We can’t live in a world without limits. So, just make sure to design them and use them on purpose.

Does anyone remember the show ‘Outer Limits’? I used to watch this every Sunday night with my Dad. At the end of the title scene, the narrator says “Please stand by”, a phrase that can loosely be described as: ‘a call to await an oncoming occurrence or next instruction, or to remain loyal.’…

We are always gathering new information, just as my student had, as we are learning, building ourselves and building our lives. I think it’s imperative to have teachers in our lives to enlighten us to our limits and to show us ways to use these to our advantage. There’s clarity with limits and a predictability that is needed for true growth. I know I become impatient when I don’t have a clear direction, a solid next step in my plan. Time, a very special limitation, moves at it’s own pace. So darling, please stand by.