Here

A wise man once told me that as long as I know where my feet are, I’m not lost. Not that I have an aversion to being lost. But sometimes, it gets to be too much. When all the up-side-downs add up to disorientation - as if the roller coaster that was such a thrill has suddenly stopped mid-way through the loop. It’s ok for a few seconds - exhilarating even. But after a while, it becomes scary. You become tense, you start to worry… “How long am I going to stay here?!” And when there’s no answer, panic sets in…

What is it about right now, that scares us so? What is it about the fact that this is easily the most alive we will ever feel, that makes us want to run away? Makes us want to throw away the opportunity to take responsibility here? Maybe no one will understand this but me… but I have to write it anyway.

It’s my secret.

Sometimes, I feel so alive, I feel terrified. The awareness of my impermanence here, is so… raw. The heaviness of my decisions seem so, grave. The pressure is a lot to bear.

It doesn’t take me long to shake this notion though. I recently explained the meaning of ‘irony’ to a student of mine by giving the example of a person who locks themselves away in their room in order to avoid bad things (the worst being untimely death) from happening and at the end of their life they confesses their wish to have had experienced the world and their life more fully.

So here I am, world. Do your worst. Because I will always do mine. flirty wink emoticon, xo.